Dear Donald: Just Say No


Donnie, Donnie, Donnie.

Are you really so dense, Donnie?  You think news media want you to not use Twitter?  Au contraire, mon frere, if a Twitter account cost money, the Fourth Estate would ante up to pay your tab.

Make no mistake: as concerned Americans, we in news media are duly appalled at your Twitter habit, your periodic outbursts of pure id, the way you spray your predecessor, your former opponent, our international allies and the mayor of London with the indiscriminate recklessness of a gang member firing an assault rifle on a crowded sidewalk.  As thinking people, we are deeply concerned for the damage you are doing and will do to our country.

But as journalists?  As people who live for the story?

Donnie, your failed presidency and the tweets that regularly provide such a fascinating glimpse into it, are like a Christmas Day that lasts all year.  Like learning that chocolate cake causes weight loss and prevents cancer.  They are like puppies and birdsong, like baby smiles and grandma’s cookies, fresh from the oven.

They are, in a word, a gift.

Those people who are “working so hard” trying to get you off Twitter?  That would be your staff, which desperately wants you to grow up and start acting like a real president.  And it would be your lawyers, who are working hard to keep you from being impeached.

Those are the people who are begging you to give your thumbs a rest, Donnie.  You know, the folks who work for you and, theoretically, have your best interests at heart.

Not to worry, though.  I’m sure there’ll be a bus along any minute for you to throw them under.

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